Love is a dangerous thing. I have been wanting to share a post about family relations for a long time now, particularly since my parents and I have been moving from country to country. The constant shifting of home and culture has invariably led to a shift in priorities between what we consider "family time".
Family time used to be - going out for dinner, watching movies together, intriguing philosophical and metaphysical conversations, and anecdotal counseling that provided sound, inter-generational advice. All of that changed since my family moved to America. Who or what is to blame? Change in lifestyle? American values? Indian values? Lack of reconciliation? My brother's adolescent age?
It’s definitely not love. I think that love is a powerful drug that makes one act irrationally towards the objects of it. (in this case, my family). Yet love is the innermost, ultimate and most gratifying God-given gift that makes one's life fulfilling and meaningful. Wars are fought over the love-hate dialectic, houses are burnt down over ego, marriages are ruined over self-esteem, and juvenile prisons arise out of a lack of familial compromise. Domestic abuse can be attributed to habituation, substance abuse, alcoholism, even self-victimization, battered woman syndrome and narcissism.
Back in the east, a culture evolved from a thousand years of rich historical tradition seems to buffer many of these aspects of modern injustice found in the West. Since I usually criticize India (my beloved country) as this is my homeland and the place I claim to 'know' most about (we cannot truly "know" anything, more on this later); I am going to shed some light upon the downfalls of the West. And oh yes, believe me, these downfalls are of a different kind - lets call them
systemic or
institutional.
Without going into too much personal detail (not because I care but more so because the readers surely do not deserve this onslaught of frustration), I would like to discuss the dynamics behind immigrant life. Specifically, in this case of an Indian family trying to find progress, meaning and security in America. (the land of opportunity).
One thing I would like to illuminate for my friends in India about life here in the west : If happiness, social life, collectivity, collaboration, compassion and creativity is what you desire, the West might not necessarily provide that for you.
On the other hand, if you re the sort who likes pure capitalism, quality of life, consumerism, materialistic acquisitions (car, house, I phone, good deals) ; and happiness for you is that, then you must definitely consider migrating. I cannot deny that America is the Godfather of rugged individualism - life here is all about hard work, getting paid and buying the stuff you want. ( not necessarily need, um, well depends) . The systems here - corporate, legal, political and social; are well established mechanisms that do not depend on favoritism and honor system as much as in India, but continue on irrespective of which man heads the ship and manages the crew, or who the crew members are. Again, there remains a lot to be said about how this came into being and how its origins of federalist papers, Bill of Rights, Independence and the U.S Constitution differs greatly from our own country's vast colonial history as well as a rich tradition dating back thousands of years before the British even knew of India's existence.
As I write, I am losing my train of thought about how to synthesize all these ideas into the original thesis of comparing a change in immigrant family relations across two countries, two cultures - one can even say two perspectives.
Please feel free to provide direction and navigate my random thoughts. My next post will be a list of what I feel is a comparison between North America and India based on my personal experience.
Stay tuned :)
